The World Entertainment News Network published this today.  If someone had merely told this to me, I hope I'd disbelieve it for a moment.  If anyone younger than I am - buncha you kids, from my e-mail computations - does not remember when Joan Rivers was funny, then let me tell you - she really was.  Ages ago, on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, she'd come out and do somne of the most risque and self-deprecating things and I loved her.  She kept the blade so close to herself, you didn't mind when she said things like 'Oh!  Liz Taylah!  Her blood type is RAGU!"   Now, we love Liz and Joan would do the joke about anyone - hell, up until a few months ago, ME. 

 

But remembering when Joan was funny is a lot more fun than trying to figure out what in the hell happened to her.  When she moved over to that red carpet and began to talk to people about 'fashion' and then saying devastating things about them after they'd already passed by, I could almost see her slipping back into the evolutionary chain.  Devolving, I guess.  Like on this show I am doing for CBS, Moochers - they have a decorator on it for some of the shows.  His name's Barclay Fryery.  (You can see his mastery at AskBarclay.com)  He's about my age, southern guy, too, but I was doubly surprised at meeting him.  First, no matter how long I've been in NY and LA, I am continually amazed at the legions who will not begin to decorate their houses or even wear shoes that someone else doesn't choose FOR them.  So in terms of something large and personal like a home, I am more puzzled.  Not so much that someone might need some hints, or what not, but amazed that there are people over fifty who actually care what the inside of someone's house looks like.

 

Now what I thought was a horrid growth on her side, something I would've had biopsided ages ago, turns out to be Joan's daughter Melissa.  The toothy and quite fortunate young woman has the meanness of her mother but not the biting - if prehistoric penchant for wit. 

 

What we see in Joan is the loss of a woman who knew what was funny once.  The joy in laughter and certainty in the quality of her jokes made her a good concert.  Now what once was likeable self-deprecation's turned to a combination of bitterness and self pity.

 

But whenI read this today, I wanted to tell Joan, 'Gosh.  You honestly think a person has to be miserable with themselves or their own lives to want to avoid you?'  If she were talking about anyone but Annette Bening, I'd let her rant go unheeded. 

I don't known Tommy Lee Jones but, by God, if he wants to walk a red carpet and not consort with Joan, that doesn't make him miserable.  It makes him Tommy Lee Jones.  After a certain point in a successful Hollywood career, you just don't have to talk to anyone you do not want to.  It's not snobbery.  It's keeping your life within the frame.  Otherwise, we're jumping to do so many more things in one day that make actual work impossible.

 

As for Mr. Crowe, everyone knows that he's not particularly fond of press, entertainment reporters, etc.  His past curmudgeon stage is scary and I've never thought it stemmed from snobbery.

 

But the truth about Bening is simply that she's an elegant, kind, cultured, resourceful, friendly, terrific woman, doting mom, wife to die for.  A bunch of us did "Mrs. Harris' with her - most in separate scenes.  Anyone who spoke to her got cordial interest and a big grin in return.  She treated everyone absolutely the same - in a great way.  This, I was taught, is a sign of great character.  She's got one.  For Joan and that irregular shaped mass at her side to imply that Bening's afraid of a reference to a waitress job is is patently stupid.  I can't think of a single person who ever worked manual labor, waitressing, delivering papers, etc who lied about it later.  It's part of how we became what we became.  By working and paying dues big time.

 

I know.  Today's blog was supposed to be about Suri.  But you know what?  She's just a precious baby.  Kid'll be fine.  Looks like both of them and she's darling.  How could so many people be that mean about a little baby?  Sins of the father, etc, eh.   Well dammit she's the cutest little thing to come out of a volcanic ashed thetan rescue that I ever saw.

 

And Joan might try a Petri Dish for her next kid.  You can't have fifty percent of Joan Rivers' DNA and not turn out to be something Tori Spelling calls tacky.

 

Oh.  And I like Tori, too.

Neener neener neener.    

 

Comedienne Joan Rivers has launched a scathing attack on egotistical Hollywood celebrities who have become "too grand" to say hello to her. The acid-tongued star, notorious for her blunt put-downs, is disgusted by the superior attitude stars such as Tommy Lee Jones and Russell Crowe have towards her considering their lowly starts in Tinseltown.

She fumes, "Annette Bening is very grand and will not say hello, even though I remember when she used to serve me pizza. She's scared I'll bring it up. Tommy Lee Jones is another, and especially Russell Crowe.

"I just feel sorry for someone who is so miserable in their life that they won't even say hello. But don't worry, in 10 years no one will want you anyway. On the red carpet you see them all come and go."

(This news article provided by World Entertainment