PART I
The eulogy is more than that -
these phrases have a center that is still
alive and they can arrive
in strands, they might come in jars
and gelatine wafers or
God knows what.
That girl dying
(the same age as my youngest sister -
a molten southern la bamba mama
at our house, too.)
The girls couldn't help it.
Forty was too much for her
just like Marilyn
and all they knew was
that age rushed where money
plodded and what else
was there to try.
(The path to Plath runs tiny here...
the misses and near misses of our
liquid/powder/pill/bottle/fueled
renegade romp to a pain free
part of the castle...
it's all so silly now.
...and her boy's home with her
and tonight the best two angels of dannielynn
are over her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part II
Her death's more than a jolt but the similarity
to a grim time in my own life...
not yet written about
because i didn't see the point
but this made me mad.
Maybe there is one.
(And I am unmad already -
pretty sure the faster i can do that
forever is about the coolest
goal I can have -
other than my fervent lifelong wish
to be Mrs. (censored by server)
Past the anguish that is a slow
whirring anxiousness in my stomach -
It's is interesting.
When the dead-eyed one jabba the huts
randomly shrilly lead low vibrations
in a large heart
enough mercy there to
spread across a firefly's ass,
heaps of light to spare.
I remember nearly dying -
the umsympathetic kind, the self indulgent
one of dark addiction because they were
all out of the sunshine-y fun kind...
And that same easter island head face
gawked on about me and what i was
no soft words were used and her
expert annihilation reminded me
finally of the nuns of my
imagination.
My first thoughts 0
stinging, wry smile and a bit of
'did i ever do to you', etc
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A simpler less elliptical version....
Do not know for the heaven of me how I made it out and ANS did not.
I could've died the same day as I was villified by the same
unforgiv(en)(ing)
bitter colleague
just like Anna Nicole.
I watched her just seem so expert.
The girl at school who would take names.
But I got to wake up and see the irony of
it all.
Anna didn't.
Rosie, have some mercy.
Time's burning by so fucking fast girl and
you've got those babies and your bride...
Gratitude carries us all on air
when it's remembered....
Not enough moments for the cartoonish rows,
no more of that made up separateness.
You accuse/berate/annihilate like
a mid-century Wisconsin senator...
It's hard to watch you so vigilant
over our damned souls.
When I go so low as to loathe,
it nearly always stands that the thing
I hate most has an element
in common with me.
Or used to.
Your rows with
made up separateness
yes, I said made up separateness -
your tank battles like a boy
diving and bombing to keep out
the things that hurt you before/
we all gots buttons and you and i
have whole panels
devoted to justice.
but the other side of torture
there lurks conciliation.
do you see it?
Don't make me go all Dickensian
on your ass.
It's Karma, sistuh.
Lick your finger and stick
it in the wind.
Provincial bullies
throwing down on second
chakra chinese handcuffs...
And the reason I bring it up over eight years later
is because this time deserves a flashback.
But if you ask, I'll say now,
No. I have no idea how I made it and Anna Nicole did not.
Didn't even have to look hard for the memories...
PART III
Nearly every time that bombastic fantastic
jumbo electric-smiled
Hindenburg hooters
blonde bombs away boyz
girlwomanchile was in front of a camera -
much more than not -
she was smiling.
she made me wince a lot
for but just flat out never at her -
winces were for her.
she knew it, too...
sassblue eyes seemed to say
go ahead, make yer fun...
Ah'm the one with the pie.
no elegant retort - if there is such a thing -
was adequate to
what she knew deep down.
she knew it, too...
it made her strut the bit more.
what else do you want
was her wiggleamazonian walk
she'd see you squint your eyes
and she'd do it right back
twice as hard winning for
the smile that wasn't goneiwslaan vcc you couldn't s...
and Ah live life in the sun...
when darkness befell her world
those grey fast clouds of bad fucking news
that hurls forth at some folks
leaving bystanders on the other side
of the planet
holding our breaths
watching your chest
for signs of
then the child of you
when you were too young too
died inside a dream
made of solid love
she was the kind
of person who automatically evoked heartful blessings -
her incandescent innocence was in exact
so yang yangy tang tangy yinnnnn
to her die daddy die and please
be happy when you do it
second marriage
was the wincingestfunnest flooziest blonde ever and
diseased sure
and when a witch - not a wicked one, just one devoid of mercy - attacks -
well somebody oughta say shhhhhh
